joy

it is surprising to me that my mood is so tied to how things seem to be going professionally and personally. they are, objectively, happening with some sense of fires but the vast majority of things are going swimmingly and i think i have purpose and i think i'm working hard.

i think i really get along with jacob and euan and can see myself living with them and it being a great dynamic. they're funny and quiet and unlikely to have problems. there are objectively funny things, and perhaps a common enemy in the startup bros while simultaneously being a friend, and and and we are aligned on the main principles of things. the kinds of conflicts that don't matter, and hence remain very funny. it is all very good. perhaps it was belonging.

why do i feel such joy? maybe because it feels like the things are right, and the things are being done. and the habits are on an upwards trajectory. and the days are long and beautiful. and i'm reading, and there are good podcasts.

should still probably find a better replacement for the gym. would be really perfect if i had a weekly sports thing.

also i guess someone to accompany me on the dc trip i inevitably have coming.

i think lydia is right when she says that you can call things privileges, like living next to or near people that you love, but doing so is kind of a disservice, and actually they should just be taken for granted, as expectation. of course, i recognize the ways in which i'm in a privileged position, but why not take that for granted for once, and just have that be an expectation.

i think the extended exposure to nature, and continuous exercise, and making sure i walk enough, and the abundance mindset, and meeting people all helps. collective fear and panic and everything ultimately going okay.

maybe i should write about yosemite.

i do love the consistency of doing something at the same time again and again.

things just do seem to be going quite well. it is a lightness. a feeling of wanting to run. unusual and levity and bright. and poetry, and reading a good book and poetry and relaxing and having people to share them with. the monthly playlists have gotten longer.

and people i know and a schedule that i want to follow and reasonable sounding food, and interesting conversation.

hmmmmm.

is this an unusual feeling?

it feels like things are heading in the right direction.

what's that quote again: there is a single happy family, but people's families can be broken in many different ways. i think joy itself is like that too. with sadnesses there is such depth, and such complexity, and so much to say and to torment and the cycles. and happiness is simple. and that's how i feel. straightforwardly excited about what's to come.